Day #11 You Are Just Plain Hard To Get!

I haven't posted in a while.  :-)  I've actually been working on several posts at one time that aren't finished.  Though I feel I've been writing, others of you have let me know I haven't!  Haha!  Actually, thanks for letting me know that.  Y'all are sweet for saying you miss me posting.  I've been asking questions to other miscarriage survivors, intending on not making the next few posts all my own thoughts and words.  The questions are "How can friends support friends going through this sort of loss?"  "How can husbands help their spouses?"  "What are some ways that helped you cope and heal?"  There are lots of blogposts and websites out there on these topics, but I'm going to certainly be sharing some of my own thoughts and some from others as well.  If I haven't contacted you asking these questions, but you have some thoughts, let me know them!  Your thoughts will be confidential since the point is not going to be for me to say, "this is how I feel, but this is how so&so felt."

Anyway, because I haven't been actually posting, I want to share the following song that has been in my head a lot lately.  At least several lines of it.  One of the things I always loved about Rich Mullins is that he wrote with complete open honesty.  

If while reading this your eyes gloss over or you just read it fast... then you need to re-read it!

Hard To Get
by Rich Mullins

You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened in the hurt.
Do you remember when
You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread?
Did you forget about us after You had flown away?
Well, I memorized every word You said.
Still I'm so scared I'm holding my breath,
While You're up there just playing hard to get.

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin.
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was,
Still we do love now and then.
Did You ever know loneliness?
Did You ever know need?
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You are barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat.
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

-And I know you bore our sorrows

And I know you feel our pain.

-And I know that it would not hurt any less

Even if it could be explained.

-And I know that I am only lashing out

At the One who loves me most.

-And after I have figured this, somehow,

What I really need to know...

Is if You who live in eternity

Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time.

We can't see what's ahead

And we cannot get free from what we've left behind.

I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears.

-All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret.

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here

To where I'm lost enough to let myself be led.

-And so You've been here all along, I guess.

It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get!

*******

In case you do not know, this is a song from an album called The Jesus Record that he didn't get to professionally record before he died.  There is an album professionally done by friends and then there's a demo album he recorded in an old abandoned church building.  It's the recording I prefer, of course.  The following youtube recording of the song is from that one.  And yes... the words are there again, but I wrote all of them on my blog on purpose.  I felt them as I typed them.  I cried it out about how frustrating it is that he lives in Eternity and I live in time.  For me, my thoughts about not seeing what's ahead and not being free from what I've left behind feels like a frustrating mess.  

Hard To Get