Coping & Healing After Miscarriage: The Power of Words

Choosing to surround yourself with words that speak healing to your body and soul is not actually an easy choice.  It is my feeling that loosing a pregnancy is one of the most spiritually defeating things a woman can go through, and yet it is one time in life where isolation and loneliness feels like the rule instead of an exception.  Others expect you to get over this rather quickly and either won't understand why you are having a hard time, OR they just don't even know you miscarried anyway.  -So, it's very lonely.  Most women are not as "open" about their loss as I have been, but that does not AT ALL mean that more private miscarrying mothers are not grieving just as deeply.  Loneliness means that you have to choose the right words to hear, through venues that speak LIFE to you, regardless of the obvious death that you are mourning.  

Songs
Scripture

Friends

Forums

Songs:  Choose ones that have scripture within them.  Choose ones that are repetitive.  Right now I'm thinking of the example of the song, "Here's My Heart Lord."  It says over and over the title words and also the words, "speak what is true."  

I am found, I am Yours

I am loved, I'm made pure

I have life, I can breathe

I am healed, I am free

Anyway, let Him remind you who you are through song.  This is very important during the initial days/weeks after a miscarriage.  It is really, really hard to pick up your Bible.  Even if that is already habit for you, it is too hard.  So listen instead to music and possibly recorded scripture until you can physically do the other.

Scriptures: Hopefully you already have an arsenal of them ready that you can keep at the forefront of your mind and heart, but preferably also in written form in front of your face!  Sticky notes, dry-erase marker notes on your mirror, etc.  Satan likes to absolutely pummel the miscarrying mother with awful thoughts and words.  No matter what comforting words our healthcare professionals and friends and family say to the contrary... we default to thinking that we did something wrong.  WE are mothers.  WE are the "responsible" ones for carrying for the life within.  It is so hard to feel like we "failed."  I really do have a strong faith in the Lord, but even my faith could not stop me from thinking that God didn't care enough about me to let me hold my baby.  There will be a reminder of something you did wrong recently (related OR unrelated to pregnancy) or a more deeply-in-the-past sin reminder.  Satan will assure you that if you were just a better person, you'd still be pregnant.  The empty womb can very quickly lead to spiritual emptiness if you do not combat these thoughts with righteous ones.  Scripture, scripture, and more scripture.  

Friends:  Surround yourself with friends who have been exactly where you are.  They will be some of the only friends that you can truly receive comfort from because they will have an identification with you that others won't.  It might not be your best friend that you receive comfort from at this time.  Don't feel bad about that!  It's just the way that it is.  One thing I have appreciated and received from going through miscarriage is the unique bonds that are created with other women that wouldn't have been there otherwise.  

Forums:  I already touched on this in my last post, but here is another place to receive comfort and to just be able to talk about how you really feel with others.  You might be a very private person with others in close proximity to you about your miscarriage.  It's perfectly okay to feel this way!  Forums are a way to feel connected with others without people knowing you in a personal way.  It will also allow you to help another grieving mom when you are feeling strong.  Helping someone else is a powerfully healing experience as well.

The right words aren't exactly hard to find.  It is harder, rather, to choose them over the ones of defeat that we more readily hear.  Don't be afraid to reach out to others in some way.  Statistically you are never too far away from a mother who has suffered the same loss as you.  Society is "dumb" for making us feel like we aren't allowed to talk about it.  Not actually wanting to talk about it is one thing that is totally fine, but it's never fine to feel like there is nothing and no one available for comfort when you need it.  I'm very thankful for those who gave life-giving words and healing ideas to me especially during my first miscarriage when I was very ill-prepared.  Those thoughts still carry me through!