I used to not ever pass up a new mom without saying something. I would never give annoying advice or pause to say those "dumb" things people can say. I did usually say something like, "What a beautiful baby!" Even if I didn't say it with my mouth, I certainly did with my eyes.
I can't tell you how many times I have shook my head at myself at one of these stranger-meetings and thought, "Woman when you are twice the age you are right now you are going to be one of THOSE older ladies." The kind that can't keep her hands off of a stranger's baby in the store. Mind you, for now I have never thought of myself as the annoying stranger in the grocery store. I think my metamorphosis into that person will probably happen without me even noticing. We shall see... Or younger ladies shall see... Or... something!
I'm wishing that lady I used to be would come back! Just looking at any baby hurts, so I just don't. Pregnant bellies seem to flood my eyeballs everywhere I go. I don't really want to be this super-sensitive person about such things!
A long time ago a sweet friend of mine lost a baby when she was about 5 months pregnant. My friend and I were due to have our first babies (sons) a few months apart. We didn't live in the same town anymore, so when we saw each other for the first time after her loss and my gain of a first son I had many misconceptions of what she must be going through. I won't go through all of those... except for one. I thought that it would be so healing for her to hold my newborn. When I asked, "Would you like to hold him?" in that very assuring, welcoming, "I certainly understand what you need" tone, she looked at me like she had been hit. She very gently, but firmly said, "No."
Oh, sister, I understand you 14 years later. Maybe for some people going through such loss, holding a new baby would be healing. But I think I know why it wasn't in this case now. I, too, have now lost the opportunity to love and caress and nurse a baby when others close to me gained one. I know now how that feels. You didn't begrudge me my happiness, but the feeling of being "forgotten" when someone else felt blessed and "remembered" is brutal. It's not something I want to feel right now any more than you did. It feels petty. It feels wrong and mean and desperate and lonely.
These might even be the Enemy's most favorite feelings to bestow on someone who loves the Lord. I hate him. And I hate these feelings.
I used to "lead others in a procession to the house of God," figuratively speaking. Why has "God now forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the Enemy?" "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."
Psalm 42
"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?' These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: 'Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?' As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?' Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."
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